Tag: nurses of covid19

Angela

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Founder of La Luna Counseling and Wellness – Master of Arts, Licensed Professional Counselor

Avon-by-the-Sea, New Jersey

I gave birth to my son in August 2017. I had a magical idea of what childbirth would be. As most seasoned mothers would know, we can’t control everything that will come, and I was mistaken. I was in labor for a total of twenty-three hours. Twenty-two of those hours were without an epidural. When they finally were able to give me one, I was 9 cm dilated. The epidural was of course unable to fully kick in by the time I was holding my baby boy. Upon the final push and hearing his cry, he was taken from me and put in an incubator. I was unaware that I had developed an infection during my labor. My water had been broken for too long and as a result, I had a fever that reached 103 degrees. My baby boy Tony had a fever like me from being in utero as I was developing chorioamnionitis. Within fifteen minutes of being earth side, Tony’s fever subsided, and I was given antibiotics.

I had “baby blues” for the first two weeks along with the typical sleep deprivation. He had colic and was hard to console. Anyone who has had to deal with a colic baby knows the pain. I was unhappy and short tempered, but I thought it was normal. I had an unhappy baby who would cry for no reason, so why would I be happy? After about six months things finally began to simmer down. His colic went away, and I began feeling like myself again. I wish I knew then what I know now. Those feelings I was experiencing were actually postpartum depression, but I suffered in silence.

After my son turned two, I was ready to try for a second baby. I figured if I could handle one, how hard could one more really be? When I became pregnant, I had more mood swings and anger then I did with my first. I chocked it up to other life stressors we were having, like moving homes and the stress of handling a toddler and living during a global pandemic.

I had created a birth plan for this delivery, but it went sideways just as the first did. Because of COVID-19, my doctors wanted to induce me. They wanted to get me in and out of the hospital as quick as possible. By minimizing the amount of time, we were there, it reduced the chance of us picking the virus and the hospital was short staffed due to increased cases. I never wanted to be induced. This caused my anxiety to rise significantly. I hoped and prayed that she would just come naturally without needing an induction.

I attempted to bring labor on naturally, but nothing worked, and I had to be induced. Part of my birth plan that was slightly different than my first was to have a doula help guide me through labor. I was unable to have my doula with me because of the restrictions from the pandemic. Thankfully I was able to have my husband unlike some neighboring hospitals who were not allowing any support people. I tried to see how long I could go without an epidural since I didn’t feel that I needed it with my first labor. I labored for a total of 8 hours. The contractions felt like they were faster, more intense because of using additional medications to progress labor. I ended up asking for an epidural, but the anesthesiologist could not place it. She poked at my spine five times without success. By the time she finally accessed the epidural space I was relieved emotionally, but physically felt the same. I had one leg that was a little numb, but it didn’t feel like the contractions were any more manageable. They said they could attempt to replace the epidural, but that was an unbearable pain I didn’t want to go through again.

About an hour after that horrifying experience, I was pushing. On April 9, 2020 I gave birth to my daughter, Luna Rose.  When she was 24 hours old, I was sitting at home on my couch with her. I was able to stay in the hospital for three days when I had my son. I had family members coming to visit with balloons and gifts. Where I delivered, birthing during the pandemic felt as if the hospital staff was shooing me out as soon as I was crowning. While I was thankful to be home, away from Covid & with my other child, I don’t know that I was fully prepared before I was discharged. I thought to myself it was just nerves. I’ve handled newborn stress before; I can do it again. The baby blues paired with sleep deprivation brought me back to the same place, but it felt more intense and overwhelming. After the first two weeks I thought these feelings would subside, but they didn’t.

I was crying nonstop. I was dreading getting out of bed when Luna would cry. The intrusive thoughts were becoming louder and louder. I knew something was not right. I told my husband one night that I felt he adjusted to becoming a parent of two better than I had. I felt that my children were better off being raised with him then they were with me.

I was planning on packing my bags and leaving to give them a better life. Through my tears, I planned out my escape and wanted to let him know that this was goodbye. My husband realized this was not normal and couldn’t attribute it to sleep deprivation anymore.

I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. Being able to speak the words out loud was possibly the most difficult for me. We always want to be strong and power through, not expose our weakness. It may have been because of the stigma associated with postpartum depression and anxiety, or because it’s hard to be honest with yourself when you are having challenging moments in life. I finally had the courage to stand up and speak my truth but wanting help and finding the help were two different battles.

I spoke to my OBGYN, but I felt as if they didn’t know how to handle this behavior. I was referred to the only phone number my doctor had. It was a free service in my area, but they were inundated with clients because of the pandemic. I felt like an anonymous value on a list with hundreds of others.  There was such disconnect on Zoom; I couldn’t tell if my therapist even truly heard me. I wondered if other people were possibly going through this as well. A light bulb went off in my head. I wanted to help other people who were experiencing the same challenges as me.

This became my motivation for getting better. I was already a licensed therapist, but I wanted to help support people in their pregnancy and postpartum period. I began taking classes, trainings and working on becoming a state certified Perinatal Mood Disorder Specialist. I opened La Luna Counseling and Wellness in September 2020. My advice to those who are pregnant or have birthed recently is to be honest with yourself and get help when you know something isn’t feeling right. There are others out there who are going through the same thing as you. We can support each other.

Hi, my name is Kim & I love birth.
I have been a Registered Nurse for ten years, with the last five specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I love human connection & the art of story telling. I believe it can be a major catalyst for change.
I would love to help you share your story or advice so that we may better support each other and the people we care for. 

Do you love birth? Heck yeah you do!

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Jasmine

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Labor & Delivery RN – Perinatal Loss Certification (in progress)

Concord, CA

I’ve always been someone who finds joy in helping others. Especially with accomplishing goals that they aren’t able to do alone. After I had my twins via a scheduled cesarean section, I was left wanting more. Baby A was breech, so surgery was schedule for 38 weeks gestation. I ended up being sick with the flu and was contracting away so it was decided to deliver them at that, a week early. I always planned on having two children and felt complete in that, but I didn’t have the chance to experience birth the way I had hoped to. I personally wanted an unmedicated vaginal delivery.  

I had donated eggs back in my twenties, so I already had some knowledge about surrogacy. When my kids were three years old and after doing more research, I decided to start my own surrogate journey.

During my first surrogacy, I carried for a couple who have been through years of infertility with no success. This was their second child, and the mother had a traumatic complication after the first birth. Our relationship during this journey was strained. There was a tremendous amount of anxiety and control to the table because of her past experiences. It was very difficult for her to trust me. Thankfully, I had an easy pregnancy and an even easier delivery. I was induced at 41 weeks for post-dates. I accomplished my VBAC and birthed a healthy baby. After the delivery, we parted ways and have never spoken again.

Although I was able to have the birth experience I hoped for, I still was left wanting more from my surrogate experience. While trying to come to terms with the fact that I would never do it again slowly changed to me exploring for another surrogate couple. This time around, while looking I had very specific parameters of who I wanted to help conceive a baby. I was quickly matched with two wonderful men who lived only an hour away. This would be their first baby. When we met, we instantly had a connection and quickly became friends through the process.

This pregnancy was more difficult overall, probably because I was older and carrying a different baby. It was very different than my previous two pregnancies. Instead of having to be induced, like with my first surrogacy, I spontaneously went into labor when my water broke pretty close to my due date. When I arrived at the hospital, I was 4 cm dilated and strongly contracting. There was no reason to believe that my labor wouldn’t go quickly and easily. With the last delivery I decided to get an epidural at 6 cm. This time I was hoping once again that I might be able to go natural, expecting the delivery to be faster. After six painful IV sticks, I gave in and got the epidural so I could rest.

I progressed slowly. Eventually I ended up with an intrauterine monitor and a fetal scalp electrode. I was augmented with Pitocin to help labor continue moving forward. The baby didn’t seem to be doing as well and then suddenly, there was another issue.

I began having terrible pain across my midsection that radiated up to my left shoulder. Compared to my labor contractions from all my pregnancies, this felt very different. I talked with the nurses, the midwife and the doctor. I told them all that things didn’t feel right and just before this I was tolerating my contractions well. This constant soreness, it was more painful even in between the contractions. They checked for the baby’s position and looked for internal bleeding with the ultrasound multiple times. There was no evidence of things being amiss, so we kept proceeding with a vaginal birth.

Before I knew it I was complete and ready to push. I pushed with all of my strength, but nothing was happening. This was unsettling because with my previous vaginal delivery I only pushed for one hour. I felt like my body was out of sync with my efforts. Pushing didn’t feel effective and the baby wasn’t moving down. Almost four hours later, I still hadn’t delivered. The doctor asked the fathers if they can use a vacuum to help baby out. I deferred the decision-making over to them because I was in no state to make decisions. I could barely speak because I was in so much pain.

They attempted a vacuum delivery through several pushes, giving breaks in between to allow me to push without the vacuum. Although it is standard to do three pulls or three pop offs with the vacuum, five total pulls with pop offs were attempted. I knew this was wrong, but I was determined to get this baby out of me that I just kept going. Ultimately a c-section was called, and I was rolled into the OR. I was writhing in the bed and couldn’t even stay still enough to keep my legs on the table. It was decided that my epidural wasn’t working well enough to use it for the surgery, and I was put under general anesthesia for the delivery.

My wife and the two dads were sitting back in my hospital room with no idea how myself or the baby was doing. It turned out that when they got into my abdomen, I did indeed have a uterine rupture which was my gut feeling all along. The baby’s APGAR scores were very low, and he was sent over to Children’s Hospital to undergo cooling to preserve brain tissue and treat a very deep hematoma on his head. The dads didn’t want to see him until they knew that I was going to be okay. Luckily, we both survived and today that baby is three years old. He is beautiful, giant and speaks three different languages. Thank God he suffers no ill effects from the events of that day. 

Recovery from the uterine rupture was different. Overall, it took about the same amount of time, but my body felt different. What caused the rupture is also what saved my life. The scar from my previous c-section had poorly healed and had very little blood exchange between the edges of the scar. This caused it to open easily, but also kept my bleeding to a minimum. Which might have been why it was difficult to identify on ultrasound. It allowed me to keep my uterus, although I should not ever carry again.

I continue to be an advocate for trial of labor after cesarean and vaginal birth after cesarean, but I am much more cautious when listening to my moms and my own gut. I requested my hospital records after this day. I wanted to have an idea of what the providers were thinking when I was reporting my symptoms. From what I can gather, my symptoms were being rationalized and nobody seemed able to call out the elephant in the room. The parents of the baby boy told me they saw the fear on everyone’s faces when doing the vacuum. My gut feeling is that if one person would’ve spoken up, the events could have been very different.

This delivery occurred at a different hospital than I work at. After doing some research, I found out that the hospital does not do any sort of debrief of adverse events or outcomes. No legal action was taken against the hospital, but what I really wished was that a peer review and debrief could’ve been done. I wanted to know that perhaps the staff could have learned from this experience. Most of the time VBACs are done very safely and are successful. I was the exception to this rule.

I know this has changed my nursing perspective and I hope it has made me a better nurse. I’ve promised myself to listen to my patients and my gut when something just doesn’t seem right. Always follow your instincts and hopefully you have an advocate in the room that can speak up when you were unable to.

Hi, my name is Kim & I love birth.
I have been a Registered Nurse for ten years, with the last five specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I love human connection & the art of story telling. I believe it can be a major catalyst for change.
I would love to help you share your story or advice so that we may better support each other and the people we care for. 

Do you love birth? Heck yeah you do!

Don’t miss our weekly story. Subscribe below to get new stories & advice delivered directly to your inbox.

Catie

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Registered Nurse, Labor & Delivery

Gilbert, Arizona

Birth is such an incredible and unpredictable process. As a labor and delivery nurse, I really went into labor with Windsley expecting everything and nothing all at the same time! One thing I was absolutely sure of was that I would go after my due date. At the time, I was working in an OB office and worked a 10 hour day Tuesday, May 23rd. I wasn’t feeling well that day – I was very flushed, swollen and emotional! I had an appointment the day before and she said I was dilated 1-2cm and 80% effaced. I started thinking maybe I would have the baby sooner than later but also was prepared to walk around like that for another couple weeks. I was only 37 weeks 2 days so my expectations were low.

That night I went on a nesting rampage. I took Unisom and went to bed around 10:00 pm. Around 11 o’clock I got up to pee and got back into bed. I felt 3 little gushes of fluid. I wasn’t sure if my water had broken or if I peed myself. I decided to put a pad in my underwear and try to go back to sleep while monitoring her movement. I knew if my water had truly broken and I went to the hospital they would keep me there and I did not want to go into labor without a good night’s sleep. I dozed lightly until I had to get back up to pee at 12:30 am. The pad was soaked and so were my underwear. I was convinced that my water was indeed broken so I woke my partner up and he suggested we should go to the hospital. I had hoped to labor at home for a while, so I really didn’t want to go yet. We got up, finished packing our hospital bag and I took a shower. I still wasn’t feeling her move as normal (probably the loss of fluid and the unisom) so around 2:00 am I decided I wanted to go in to check on her. I was contracting a little bit, but only every 5-20 minutes or so. 

We walked into triage and saw a midwife and nurse I knew. I felt relieved to see a familiar face. When I took my pants off and walked to the gurney I left a trail of fluid on the floor and the nurse, Maggie said –“ um yeah you are definitely ruptured, you’re going to L&D”. My mom was planning to come for the birth so we called her. She said she would get on the next plane out from Virginia to Denver. By the time I was admitted and received my IV, it was 4 o’clock in the morning and I was contracting every 10 minutes.

My eyes were burning, I was so tired. I tried to sleep between contractions but the contractions were already feeling so intense without my bag of water. I felt the need to move through the contractions and quickly felt irritated with hoisting my full term body in and out of bed with each contraction. I gave up on the idea of sleeping and sat on the birthing ball for a while. Around 6:00 am I got into the bath. I loved the tub; it was so relaxing. I wanted my cervix to be checked about four hours later by my Midwife, Eliza so I could know if I had made any change from my last check-up. I was 4 cm dilated – which was encouraging to me. I got back into the tub after and my contractions were still very irregular coming every 2-3 minutes, then spacing out to 6-9 minutes. I was so thankful my birth team was expectantly managing me and letting my body have time to kick into labor by itself. I was also not hooked up to the fetal heart rate monitor constantly. They were listening to her heart rate with a doppler every hour while I was in latent labor to make sure she was doing well.

At this point my mom arrived. I got out of the tub and started moving to see if I could get the contractions to come more regularly. Walking definitely kicked the intensity up and around 2:00 pm I told David that if this was not transition, I was considering getting an epidural. I started to feel out of control with the contractions and I noticed a difference in the sounds I was making – they were more desperate. I was grabbing onto David wishing somehow he could get me out of “this”. I asked to be checked again and I was still only dilated to 4cm. I hadn’t made ANY cervical change. It was then that I lost all coping ability. I needed to do something different, but I wasn’t quite ready to get an epidural. My birth team suggested IV pain medication so that I could rest. The medication took the edge off and I was able to sleep for about 45 minutes in between contractions. 

As 5:00 pm came around, I decided that if I wasn’t progressing, I did not want to continue without an epidural. I had seen so many first time moms make better labor progress after they got the epidural and I hoped I would be the same. I wasn’t able to relax into the contractions and allow my body to take control. I felt like I could potentially keep going, but I just didn’t want to. The epidural placement went so smoothly and didn’t hurt compared to the contractions I was experiencing. After the epidural set up Eliza checked my cervix. I was 6 cm and confirmed what we had suspected – that Windsley was positioned sunny side up (occiput posterior). That position had been contributing to my lack of progress, irregular contraction pattern and intense discomfort. I asked if we could start pitocin because my contractions were 5-10 minutes apart and I knew that wouldn’t get me my baby anytime soon. My body was feeling hot and wanted to avoid developing an infection. 

The nurse put a peanut ball between my legs to facilitate Windsley getting into a better position for turning and descending. My midwife told me she would come back and check me at the end of her shift, even stay to deliver the baby if I was close. I thought there was NO WAY. My progress had been slow all day and first time moms usually push for hours. Eliza came back to check and sure enough, my cervix was completely dilated and her head was right there! I pushed for 10 minutes and she came out. Windsley was born on May 24 at 7:37 pm (a shift change baby). David was able to have his hands next to the midwifes, helped catch her and bring her right up to my belly for skin to skin. 

As a labor and delivery nurse I was so, so thankful for how smoothly things had gone. There were no emergencies, she never dropped her heart rate and was such a perfect little newborn.

Hi, my name is Kim & I love birth.
I have been a Registered Nurse for ten years, with the last five specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I love human connection & the art of story telling. I believe it can be a major catalyst for change.
I would love to help you share your story or advice so that we may better support each other and the people we care for. 

Do you love birth? Heck yeah you do!

Don’t miss our weekly story. Subscribe below to get new stories & advice delivered directly to your inbox.